Why black men don’t want black women... (Generation Y?)

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It’s all over the internet. From celebrity gossip, social media statues or word of mouth, it’s clear black men don’t want us. Why?

Personally, I think they don’t want to put in that extra work. Most of us have been hurt in some way shape or form that has affected us largely. Some of us have voids that need to be filled, an emptiness of emotions we want you to fulfill with love and protection that may or may not be realistic, but the fact is, the majority of us are simply broken by default.

After getting to know us, they fall in love with our beauty and get blown away by the way we love them, that they unknowingly do not acknowledge our flaws and begin to feel overwhelmed once they're in too deep. We’re then subjected to an automatic heartbreak because there’s always a better woman. One with fewer issues, less attitude and well, not so damaged...They don’t want us because we’re too emotionally and mentally wounded, our attitudes are a reflection of our pain, that they don’t completely understand but we can’t help it. But not all of us have attitudes, are ratchet, or ignorant. There’s an array of beautiful, unique, intelligent, strong black women out there that would cater to your every need making you feel loved and special if you’d allow it. I know how to treat you, and I know how to love you. After all, we were made for each other. Black men are MADE for black women, we support and understand you like no one else will. Yet, doing everything to fulfill their needs as a man does not mean we can’t get left for Becky with the good hair ...

Oh, my hair isn’t good enough?

For some reason they don’t seem to like our natural hair, you know the hair we were born with...They hate the fact that majority of black women wear wigs or weaves to cover up their natural hair that they disliked from the beginning...

Let me tell you what this does... this creates damaged goods. A woman who is worthy yet damaged in her own way. It stemmed from not feeling good enough, now opening up my insecurities, lowering my self-confidence and weakening my emotional state. Who are we really good to at that point? I have to build up all you broke down...Dating just got much harder than it already was.

I think having your own taste in women is fine, but it’s a bad feeling to the opposite sex when your own kind doesn’t desire you, and you’re seen as a burden. Black women are unlike any other kind of women in the world. We are undeniably distinct, and worthy and should be treated as so.

As I connect with other women I hear their stories similar to mine and realize that a large percentage of black women are damaged, so more times out of none, when you meet a black woman she will probably show some of those characteristics. I mean look at how we’ve been treated. Used, abused and kicked to the curb like we mean nothing like we have no value. That can be from either family members, friends, or men, either way, it’s an infliction.

We are by far the strongest of them all. We’ve endured everything under the sun. From being taken advantage of, rejection, abandonment, abuse, sexually, mentally and or physically, and yet, through it all we are still able to love greatly. We put our pain on the back burner and love you wholeheartedly, sometimes putting you first, while you leave us as an option...

Black people as a whole have it hard off the rip just because of our skin color, now add being a woman into the equation. We are already the submissive species by nature, considered weak and emotional, so the fight is even harder. We need you to fight with us. We want togetherness, unity, and your support. We want you to take the time to unravel us, to fully understand us because ideally, we are fighting the same fight. Even though we all have different views, personalities, opinions etc I think the commonality is that we ultimately want to succeed, why not together?

Truthfully, I think black men are just as damaged as black women. No one speaks about it though. What’s been socially normalized is that “Men are strong, men don’t cry, and men don’t get emotional.”

That’s false, but that’s what a lot of men hide behind. Their tough aura and or persona hides the deep-rooted pain, the intense day to day struggle and really the truth. Women would love for that openness, the withdraw of your feelings, let us know so what it is so we can help, let’s talk about it, let me motivate you, let me be your number one fan. It’s not always that easy for them though...

In addition to that, love seems to not be trending at the moment. Everybody’s hurt and people, in general, seem incapable of truly loving one another.

Hold on, there’s more...

Yes, we might be both damaged BUT Black men still have the upper hand here. Since men are good at suppressing their emotions and women are emotional rollercoasters we are left mentally and emotionally fucked up. Most men have the luxury of moving right on to the next.

Sometimes we get left without notice and that’s the worst, but whether there’s a notice or not most times when a relationship ends, you're left with some residue, especially if you love hard. The built-up pain from either party can leave you hurting, confused, and resistant to REAL love in the future. It’s just a huge circle of pain.

Getting deeper...

Society has done its job of breaking us apart. There are so many factors that play a role in the success and failure of our people. We are not what we used to be. Back in the day, we had both parents in the home, we owned homes. Both parents lived together, we had jobs, education, our children had morals, principles, and respect. Seems like all of that has gone out the window. Our generation is the opposite. Our kids need their fathers, they NEED both parents in the home and they need LOVE. I don’t like hearing out a black mans mouth that they don’t like black women.

“Oh I don’t like black women, if I date one she gotta be light skin, I don’t do dark skin.”

First of all, you're alive because a black woman gave birth to you. And if this is one of those cases where you mother isn’t black well your father was. Point is your black. Often I hear I prefer Spanish, (Even though that’s a language) or white women etc. That personal preference may just be a preference but I feel like you’re choosing not to love your struggle, which is what you are made of...

(Digging deeper )

Where do you think soul food deprived of? Or the saying black people have “Soul?” Those are reflections of our pain and the immense struggle we endured over the years. We were once slaves and had everything ripped from us. We made meals from scraps because that’s all we were given by our owners. Leftover animal remains such as pig intestines (chitterlings) pigtail, chicken neck and gizzards were primary in our meals.

Now I said that to make a point, what’s left of our “culture” that “African Americans” may know is entirely made up of our struggle, and that’s as real as it gets. You must love your struggle and love your self. Love you naturally, love our people naturally. Why should my man encourage me to perm my hair or wear weaves over my natural kinky hair? Or makeup and eyelashes extensions versus my NATURAL beauty? That means you don’t love ME. And there’s a lot of that going on... I watched a man tell his wife on The Steve Harvey show that he hates her natural hair and that she should go back to her Brazilian bundles. He even ran out the house because he said he didn’t recognize her. So sad. You could clearly tell she was hurt by that and it probably opened up some type of insecurity, and lack of confidence. Imagine if he supported her natural hair journey, she would probably be a lot more confident within her self as a woman.

We have a lot of work to do as a culture, and what’s necessary is for us to try our best at loving and supporting our people, we are literally all we got.

Black women are imperfectly perfect complex beings but that doesn’t mean we don’t need love. Encourage us to be the best version of ourselves and we will in return give you the same creating an unstoppable force that’s beautiful and divine.

“We need women who are so strong that they can be gentle, so educated they can be humble, so fierce they can be compassionate, so passionate they can be rational, and so disciplined they can be free.”

-Kavita Ramdas

#DolceSpeaks

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