The reality of settling for love...
Guest post written by Mercedes
Look around and you’ll see that so many people are settling when it comes to romantic relationships. People settle for different reasons, some of those reasons are fear of being alone, fear of being ridiculed, security, for the sake of the kids etc.
When you settle, you know that you deserve more but you choose to stay in your current situation and that is no way to live.
"Let go of what you're used to. Wait for what you deserve" -r.h Sin
Regardless of what you see in real life, on television or read, love, is not supposed to be mediocre. Love is the most powerful thing in the world and it should make you feel and be better.
When I think about love, I think about God and 1 Corinthians 13:4. However, I understand that human beings are flawed and a relationship will never be perfect, it will always have its ups and downs. Some of us use this realization as an excuse, we aim for “good enough.” I have aimed for “good enough” in my relationships and I can tell you that good enough does not help make a relationship last.
You can avoid wasted time, energy, emotions and money by choosing not to settle in the first place. Forget about timelines, the opinion of others, your wants and focus on what you truly need from a partner. Focus on how they make you feel, respect, commitment, loyalty, honesty and all those other attributes. We accept the love we think we deserve and if you find that you're settling for less, it’s time to have a reality check.
Settling is a choice and it has everything to do with you, no one else. Your partner reflects who you are and you need to be genuinely happy with your choice. Stop ignoring those red flags for the sake of being half loved. To be half loved and to fully love in return should never be the goal. It really is not better to have someone halfway there than not to have anyone at all. A relationship is not 50/50, it is 100/100. Some days, you may need to put in the extra for your partner because you are a team but it’s not something you should be doing on a continual basis.
Love should never feel like it is forced, you should be able to envision yourself raising a family and growing old with your partner and vice versa. If you can’t or the feelings aren’t mutual, it is time to move on. Moving on may seem scary but it’s necessary for your wellbeing. You need to love yourself more than you love your partner.
Your happiness, peace, and self-worth should be a priority. Ask yourself:
• Is this relationship hindering me?
• Is this relationship healthy?
• Do I feel genuinely loved?
• Do I genuinely love my partner or am I in love with the idea of being in love?
• Do I admire who my partner is as a person?
• Am I receiving the effort that I deserve?
Answer the questions honestly and be willing to do the internal and external work to reach the place where settling is no longer an option. Have patience and trust that you’ll eventually end up with who you're supposed to be with. Stop taking matters into your own hands and trust God’s timing. Don’t ignore the signs that someone is wrong for you and never compromise on what you deserve.
“Love is many things. It’s varied. One thing it is not and can never be is unsure.”- Maya Angelou
Mercedes is a motivational, inspirational blogger from the lovely island of Barbados. She is a firm believer in God and very purpose driven which is why she decided to start this journey. She discusses spirituality, relationships, daily struggles, adulthood, success, self-love, life, and self-development.
Visit her website here