Drama from the other side
Since I can remember I always said I wasn't going to date a man that already had a kid because ... ONE: I DON'T WANNA BE A STEPMOM.
TWO: I WANNA START A FAMILY TOGETHER.
THREE: I DON'T WANNA DEAL WITH YOUR BABY MOMMA DRAMA.
FOUR: I DON'T WANNA HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT MY MAN GOING BACK OR SLEEPING WITH HIS EX.
EVERY ANGLE OF IT WAS A NO TO ME.
Then I go and date a man with a kid...
HOW DID THIS HAPPEN
I already imagined that me getting into a relationship with a man that has a baby mother would be filled with DRAMA but I gave myself the benefit of the doubt and wow...
I WAS RIGHT.
Speaking from the perspective of a woman dating the baby daddy I can truly say this is a shit show...
Like honestly, this is bullshit. And it's been bullshit from jump.
I'll speak about my experience and ya'll let me know if I'm out of pocket or not etc...
The first major thing that pissed me OFF was...
Him going to see his son who is miles away and STAYING with his BM for 7 DAYS.UNDER THE SAME ROOF.
He left to see his son and I told him beforehand, he better had call an aunt, grandmother or something to see if he could stay with them because I wasn't ok with him sleeping the night with his EX. He could stay the day over there and stay the night elsewhere...
That's fair right?....
The first night he stayed with family and the second day he called me saying that he wasn't going to be traveling back and forth to see his son and it was best he stay where his son was which was his baby mother's apartment...
I was LIVID.
HOW IS IT OK TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP AND BE SLEEPING AT YOUR BABY MOTHER'S HOME FOR A WEEK???
I blacked and I felt like he was crossing boundaries, I get that it's about your son and I'm not taking that away from you. BUT I live in the REAL WORLD and in the real world people LIE and people CHEAT so with that being said I DON'T TRUST IT. People will say "Oh if you don't trust him why are you with him"
NO, that isn't the case. I trust him but I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who gets a little worried when they man is going out and know he'll be around other females...
I trust him but I don't trust HER. I don't know her and just off the strength that she's a female AND also his EX, I definitely don't trust her. Before me and him got together they were broken up for about 7 months, and at the beginning of the 7 months, she had HIS BABY.
SO understanding the way a woman's brain works I'm going to assume that someone that was in a 2 and half year relationship with a man and then had his baby, then separating 7 months later is not MAGICALLY over him within a few months or even a year. Especially when you are constantly talking to him and or seeing him. Woman are far more emotional than men and I just don't believe that at that point she was over him.
All going back to me not being comfortable with it.
"I could always get her back if I wanted. If I told her I wanted to be with her right now she would agree because I gave her my seed"
THAT REALLY SECURES MY TRUST.
Next thing is, there are NO boundaries. In no way shape or form should your baby mother have access to your BANK ACCOUNT.
ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP.
But that's just me...
When she needed money it got sent. Cool, you need money to take care of your child BUT I feel like YOU SHOULD ONLY BE GETTING WHAT YOU NEED,
FOR YOUR CHILD.
$500 here, $700 here,
You get WHAT YOU NEED AND ONLY WHAT YOU NEED.
$500 a month is what she was supposed to be getting...
Some women I know get nothing, so to be getting blessed in this way and still have complaints, demands etc blows my mind.
I feel like your baby daddy isn't responsible for your living arrangements, it would be nice IF HE DID help pay your rent or moving expenses, bills etc but THAT'S NOT HIS RESPONSIBILITY.
GO GET YOU A MAN.
He should be ASSISTING you with childcare needs, not paving a way for your personal lifestyle. If you can't handle your OWN RENT, CAR EXPENSES OR BILLS you need to FIGURE IT OUT.
You have a responsibility to make sure you and yours are good. It's evident that the both of you are over romantically over so take care of business, WITH OR WITHOUT HIM.
All those women who have deadbeats have to MAKE IT WORK. They don't have the luxury of getting help with rent/mortgage, bills etc. So if a single mom with a deadbeat baby father can make a way YOU CAN TOO with what you are given and should be grateful for the help.
I really think that a card should be given to baby mothers that ONLY allows them to buy things for the CHILD. Buying bundles, iPhones and getting your nails done is unacceptable to me and it's not fair to the men doing the right thing.
1. Should a baby father only pay for the child's needs? Or the child's need and rent, bills etc?
2. Should a baby father visit his child and sleep at the baby mother's home?
3. Should the female dating the baby father be entitled to feel upset that he is staying nights at her home? Or should she look past it because it's for the sake of the child?
Let me know ya'll