Below Zero, Bitch I’m Numb

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"The power of the wolf brings forth instinct, intelligence, appetite for freedom, and awareness of the importance of social connections. This animal can also symbolize fear of being threatened and lack of trust."

I feel drained, not like myself... I feel like I've lost the ability to show emotion. Is that good or bad?

I think both... there's a little bit of control there...

I need to be emotionless in certain situations. It's chilly out here and I ain't about to let a motherfucker play me.

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So that shit comes in handy I guess...

Most times out of none I'm in my own world around others straight GONE. I think it's the reality that I've realized that this is NOT my reality, more like a facade of the truth.

THIS SHIT IS THE MATRIX.

I feel... out of place, and frequently out of my element. With my new lenses I see how full of shit y'all REALLY ARE...

I'm ok with silence, I'm ok with being alone, I'm ok with LOVING MYSELF.

Yet,

My heart has a slight emptiness, something's missing...

It's not like before...

This time it's different. I can't put my finger on it...

I'm lost in trying to figure out what is it that I need. Something? Somebody?

JESUS?

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I can't be there for you because I need to have my own back. Too many times I got stabbed in it because I had yours before I had mines.

I got healing to do and this shit is a full time job.

Hmm...

That explains why I'm so sleepy. I'm working OVERTIME.

Overtime to keep myself in check. To make sure I'm on my P's and Q's. To make sure that I don't nap to long, that I complete that workout I said I would do.

TOO KEEP A SMILE ON MY FACE AROUND PEOPLE I'D RATHER NOT BE AROUND.

Damn I'm drained. I'm emotionless in the aspect that most shit doesn't tickle my fancy...Most things don't bother me. Most things don't even get to come close to my heart. I don't feel shit. I'm numb and I think it's your fault...

THAT PAIN STILL FUCKN LINGERS.

I'm emotionless because I don't wanna feel pain again. I'm emotionless because I gotta move smarter. More strategic, more cautious.

I'm just MORE AWARE.

I'm emotionless yet fearful but still hopeful because I know who the fuck I am.

Every now and again, I need that reminder...

The reminder than I am one of a kind. Uniquely made. Powerful and STRONG, born with a purpose to change the world.