You're toxic

“Toxic” is trending, the word itself, and the actual trait within most of us.

Why are we all so toxic though?

Realistically, I don’t think there’s one way to answer that question. Sadly a lot of us are walking around broken and that’s the real reality. Healing is needed but healing ain’t easy either. Instead of being focused on healing, most stay consumed by irrelevant gossip, materialistic shit they can’t afford, perfectly sculpted artificial bodies and beat faces. What’s of more importance is your mental health and how it affects you and others in the long run. HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS WILL NEVER PROSPER IF YOU CHOOSE TO IGNORE IT.

HEAL YO SELF, THIS CYCLE OF PAIN AIN’T NO JOKE.

That’s literally what it becomes when you don’t take a look at yourself in the mirror and deal with your fuckn shit, YOU PROJECT IT ON OTHERS. You point the finger and try to find ways to validate your toxic ways thinking people will always be there. Instead it actually voids out any chance of a successful relationship and or friendship. I’ve lost friendships because parties failed to acknowledge their toxic behavior, and that’s the problem.

What I’m realizing that separates me from toxic people is that, even though I’ve been toxic a fair portion of my life, at 27 I’ve acknowledged that shit and have done something to change it or am actively working on a solution.

FOLKS JUST BE OUT HERE EXPECTING OTHERS TO INTERNALIZE THEIR TRAUMA INSTEAD OF DEALING WITH IT THEMSELVES.

I’m not your personal punching bag for when you’re ready to release anger you’ve been holding on to for months or even years.

I used to be that person. I’m just happy I’m not anymore.

There was a time when I used to engage and entertain in other’s sob stories and actually had a few to tell myself. When I lashed out at others or displayed toxic behavior I would replace that with, “ You don’t know what I been through” instead of, “Your right, that was unacceptable, and I apologize”

THERE’S A DIFFERENCE.

There’s been soo many times where I’ve swallowed my pride choosing to be the bigger person and apologize/ make things right for the sake of MY HEALING etc. Not all the time YOU’RE RIGHT, and personally for me that was a hard pill to swallow, but with growth, you understand that you don’t and you won’t always be right.

Being open in that area for me, left peace within my heart. You soon then start to realize there’s different lanes to navigate through when you allow yourself to become the bigger person.

It’s draining, yes but when you become more in tune with your strengths and weakness you can learn how to maneuver around certain folks without it being so draining. You won’t always win those battles but it’s good to keep the mindset for sure.

When you make an effort to get your shit together it shows. When you stay stagnant in your growth and don’t search for change believe that shows too.

Personally, I cut people off these days like it’s nothing, I don’t give a shit who you are and that’s real. How long I knew you certainly does not matter either. People want me to prioritize our shitty friendship/ relationship (that was really long overdue to end anyways) but can’t acknowledge when damage has been done.

Recently, I’ve come to realize that it hurts others when I don’t honor history, but truthfully that has no value in my book,

I HONOR CHANGE, HARD WORK AND DEDICATION, period.

You can’t be out here giving chances after chances and not seeing action behind results from people who are detrimental to your mental/ spiritual health. FUCK THAT! You got places to go and higher heights to reach, dealing with someone who is toxic and unaware of it or unwilling to change is a liability. And it’s likely one you cannot afford if you’re serious about healing.

I saw someone on social media say that everybody is always a mental health advocate until they deal with someone who has mental health issues and then they label them as TOXIC.

Look, your mental health isn’t what puts you in the category of being “toxic”, it’s what your NOT doing to HELP YOURSELF GET OUT OF THAT SITUATION.

I fight anxiety and depression everyday I wake up, yet, still make it my business to focus on the things that I know will help my healing. Almost every night before bed I roll out my mat to do yoga and meditate. I read as many different books as possible that can uplift and motivate me to be a better human and to ultimately look at life from different angles.

Change doesn’t come from remaining comfortable and most toxic people feel comfortable which is why they ignore their shit, they know it requires CHANGE.

Seeing a therapist was difficult for me at first for so many reasons, but at my age, that shit is a priority because I’m aware I can’t do this alone. Years of pain, mental, physical, verbal abuse doesn’t just go away on it’s own.

You’re toxic because you ignore your past trauma sweeping it under the rug, like it has no value when really it controls most aspects of your life including your behavior, way of thinking and even your love language. You’re toxic because you don’t see a problem with how you behave or treat others. Your toxic because you don’t feel there’s any need for growth. You’re toxic because you repeat patterns without actually seeing the pattern…

Don’t cycle the pain onto others who don’t deserve it. Don’t ruin someone else’s life because you can’t get yours together. Don’t live life boxed in, suffering because you let past pain steal your happiness. Don’t go loving someone else before you’ve fully loved and accepted you.

Free yourself and all that has hurt you, I promise you’re not living life yet.