How to Love, Foreal.
It’s a lot of fake “love” going around. A lot of y’all pretending to care, love and support others when really that’s not how you feeling deep down inside. Why are you projecting false feelings onto others? Why are you not being real with yourself?
Or, why do you feel the need to stick around people who aren’t capable of supporting or loving you fully?
WHY IS COMMUNICATING YOUR LOVE LANGUAGE PROBLEMATIC? 🤔
As a single woman I feel this wayy to often, the moment that I say how I feel it’s “Your crazy”, “Why you in your feelings?”
Simply, either what you just said or did, has made me feel a way and I’m letting you know that, as I should…
Previously, me being in my feelings WAS problematic because I was very very toxic at one point. I had a lot of wants and needs that were unrealistic and could have been damaging to the other party and at this point, I obviously get that.
Back to the current though,
AM I NOT ALLOWED TO BE IN MY FEELINGS IF I CHOOSE TO? OR AM I SUPPOSED TO KEEP THEM DORMANT AND BE A ROBOT? Men, or boys I should say, seem to want a woman who does as they say, doesn’t express themselves (complain) deal with their shit remaining faithful when it’s not nearly being reciprocated. Sounds like you want a fool…
If we being real, that ain’t love, IT’S TOXICITY.
It’s a toxic individual attempting to control you because they have not healed.
People should be able to express themselves without receiving backlash for it. We are adults and we should always be able to have a CONVERSATION and come to a common ground regardless of opinions/ differences.
Love cannot be mistaken for anything other than what it is, love can not be replicated, and if it is guess what, it will fold in the light.
Real love is two people making a vow to one another. A commitment of trust, compassion, communication and understanding. Love is beautiful but also complex in the sense that you cannot be SELFISH. That person’s feelings now becomes a priority.
YES, A PRIORITY.
Ya’ll don’t be ready and willing to do none of the above and wonder why you in the situation you in. A lack of the above equates to painful, toxic relationships and that ain’t in CHIEF!
You liking me and liking the idea of me is two VERY different things. I feel like most men I’ve came across are fearful to commit and may feel challenged dealing with a woman of my caliber but hey, that’s none of my business.
I’m intelligent, I know what I want and I make it clear. I hustle, provide for myself and strive for more than the average. Not to mention I’m a healing woman who knows her worth,
I’m lethal. 💎
Either you level up or get left behind, very simple.
You coming into my life is an honor, and I’m gonna make you feel, and remember that every second from a natural and humble state.
The vibes speak for itself….
Loving others isn’t easy as I said. It’s commitment, and sacrifice for one who you believe is WORTH IT.
Loving someone is,
Understanding their love language- *IMPORTANT* Don’t compare your ex’s to the person you're dealing with currently, they are not the same. Everyone has different ways of wanting to be “Loved” and you have to get that shit down to a science which is why is CRITICAL to “get to know someone” in the beginning. Don’t SKIP STEPS, learn that shit and SATISFY YOUR PARTNER/ FRIEND ETC.
My love language is attentiveness and communication. I love when I can talk to others and if a problem/ discrepancy comes up it can be solved by just taking time to COMMUNICATE in a gentle way. I also don’t like being ignored or blow off so if the reason is being communicated then for the most part we are good. What’s not discussed is not known…
I find it really attractive when you can capture a man’s attention and it not be sexual. I like engaging in meaningful conversations that ignite my soul. Let’s talk about it boo, fuck my mind before my body.
Being patient + understanding- Some of us are on a journey of healing, just because you like/ love someone and they aren’t there mentally/spiritually doesn’t mean you give up on them and kick them to the curb. If someone is really worth it, you fight. Remain patience and gentle with that person. They may need you more than you think…
Be TRUTHFUL- Lying literally gets you NOWHERE and if you’re a liar you KNOW THAT. Why lie when you can just tell the truth and potentially fix what you damaged? No progress is made when lies are told. Why even waste your time being with someone if all you gonna do is lie and CHEAT. Just be a HOE. Adults respect honesty so please keep it 100.
Be compassionate- This goes hand in hand… how can you love someone if you have a lack of compassion? What is compassion? - “Someone showing kindness, caring, and a willingness to help. This is a word for a very positive emotion that has to dowith being thoughtful and decent.”
AND THE REALITY IS A LOT OF YA’LL AINT EVEN DECENT. You ignore others, blow off dates without any communication that you are doing so, have a lack of or regard for their feelings, put in inconsistent efforts to keep them on a string for your own selfish needs and talk down about the ones that had your back.
THAT’S YOU NOT BEING A DECENT HUMAn being.
There’s a lot of people being dogged out when they’ve exercised nothing but good intentions to others who are doing the damage. Cold hearts are just people who are miserable because they haven’t dealt with their PAIN yet and don’t know where to project it.
Deal with your shit.
5. Commitment- Commit in the sense that you understand you are not getting any older. You KNOW you want to spend your life with someone who completes you. The goal is always marriage, (typically for mature adults lol) I mean if it’s anything else it’s extremely temporal. Commit to being truthful. Open and forthcoming about your feelings etc. BE EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE. Devote time to BUILD. That means answering phone calls and texts…
How does one get to know each other if you don’t even make yourself available?!
CLEARY YOU ARE NOT READY FOR THIS.
In the process of waiting for your hubby/wifey you have to DATE. And that’s ok because it comes with the process. By knowing yourself you’ll know more quickly who’s for you and who AIN’T. Therefore you can stop wasting TIME.
And that there is one of the reasons why I actually enjoy being single. I’m not in a place where I’m willing to settle and it reflects in my actions etc. I’m steady learning and getting to know myself, my capabilities, want’s, needs, and what the fuck I will and WILL NOT TOLERATE.
YOU GOTTA KNOW WHAT YOUR “DEAL BREAKER” Is
BUT, if the goal IS marriage, WHY ARE YOU NOT STARTING OFF ON THE RIGHT FOOT OF BEING COMMITTED TO THE PERSON YOUR TAKING TIME OUT YOUR DAY TO GET TO KNOW? UNLESS YOU JUST LIKE WASTING YOUR TIME. 🗣
NEWS FLASH, IF YOU CANNOT COMMIT YOU ARE NOT LOOKING FOR MARRIAGE.
In 2019 and beyond I hope we can start to take people more seriously instead of blatantly wasting others time. It don’t and won’t always end in a relationship or the love of your life BUT that doesn’t mean you can’t just enjoy that person for who they are. You might catch a vibe, you might get a friend, a lover, a husband or a wife. Either way you're still getting something worth your while and that’s exactly how it should be.
LEAVE THE EXPECTATIONS OF OTHERS BEHIND AND ENJOY WHAT THEY ARE OFFERING AT THE TIME.
8 Crazy Things Love Does To Your Brain, According To Science- Via Huffington Post
“Love really is like a drug. Love can strengthen your empathy and ability to process emotions. The type of love that’s cultivated through the practice of loving-kindness meditation activates the brain’s empathy and emotion-processing centers, while also reducing activity in brain areas associated with self-focused thought. Loving-kindness meditation also gets us in touch with our feelings by increasing gray matter volume in brain areas associated with emotion processing.”